I have been feeling very uneasy and restless and unpleasant lately and I really, really do not like it and I keep relying on — to keep me feeling content and unaware of how I am truly feeling and it sucks and I just cannot even explain it because it has been so long since the last time I have been like this and I do not ever want to go back.
you know, i don’t really get it either. i don’t really get how i can keep making the same mistake over and over again, literally every year. it is like this. what should i do differently in order to not regret? i think perhaps the most annoying part is i’ve no one to tell my side of the story to. no one to sympathize with me. it’s not like i necessarily need that though, it’s just difficult otherwise. the majority is not always right. oh well. makes me think of this chilean film, where at the end a priest asks the main girl if she’s willing to give up her ego, to get rid of her old self. that’s what i feel like doing. i wish i could scrub my body raw and reveal newer, thinner skin. something worth touching and getting close to.
I love that nostalgic feeling you get when you come across something you really loved from your childhood. There are just some parts of you that will never change no matter how much you grow up.
You did it with good intentions.
It just didn’t turn out to be how you wanted it.
- I had the most stressful morning today at work. Even after four hours of arguing with incompetent insurance representatives, nothing was achieved. That is the most frustrating thing—investing so much hard work, patience, and time into one thing just to discover you accomplished absolutely nothing.
- I really don’t mind when you ask me questions, but you always catch me off guard when I’m not really there. You find yourself asking the most personal inquiries that make me feel vulnerable and exposed. Every time I think about what I said the other night while beyond intoxicated, I just think about what a huge mistake it was to let you in more than I wanted.
- Sometimes it is easier to just let people think they still matter to you so there are no hard feelings. However, I cannot say that I wish you were still in my life. It is impossible to get rid of certain people without coming off as irrational. Sometimes I simply don’t want to invest time in people.
- I do admit these irrational feelings are simply a product of my insecurity but what you’re doing is feeding it. It isn’t anyone’s fault but my own, but I still don’t like it. I wish I didn’t feel this way.
- Are you happy with your life? I hope so.